The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Some updating and changes were made to the forums yesterday more specifically the Sandbox. A place I play a lot since I find it fun and interesting to see how people's minds work even about nonsense. I always figured the post count for them was temporary as the threads there get RIA'd or close pretty quick. My count always went down the next day after playing there anyway. But apparently some of them stick and lots were counting on them. Some people lost a very large number of posts, me it was less than 100 which actually surprised me for the amount of time I play there. It also made me happy that perhaps even without my being fully aware of it that I'm contributing in some small way to the real discussions and knowledge being shared here. I hope so even though I try to never post to a topic if I don't understand it or have nothing at all to add that cannot at least either clarify the question or put my 2 cents worth of opinion into it. Unlike some very brave people here (or nuts) I truly hate sounding like a complete idiot when answering a thread. I would never attack the opinion of someone else especially publicly. I might send a pm asking for further discussion with them that way, if I felt them to be open to it. Back to the point, I'm really glad that my posts loss wasn't that big a deal to me, shows me that maybe I'm growing up. lol Yeah right!

Yesterday totally rocked. Went to brunch with my best friends then to the new 007 Bond flick which was actually good. The new guy playing Bond is hot and cold at the same time. Wicked! Then we ran around a bit, ate again where a old guy pulled the cutest trick on me. Came up to our table and asked if I played the lottery, I said yea sometimes. Then he hands me a lottery ticket saying he doesn't understand or want it. I try to refuse and say you scratch it & I'll tell you if you won but he won't keeps giving it to me and then says, tell you what if it wins we'll split it. I'm uncomfortable but go ahead and scratch the thing. It wins 50 thousand dollars and I'm trying like hell to get the man to take the damn thing but he keeps refusing. I telling him it won and I don't want it but he won't take it finally I say lets go to the service counter and they can run it thru the machine and tell you how to get your money. No he says and won't go my friends finally say for me to go on and get it done and I do. The lady at the front counter tries it then reads the back and starts laughing, it says to collect your winnings from Santa clause. I started laughing and walked back to the restaurant and the two old guys are still there laughing but the one says to the guy who gave me the ticket "look out she's going to slug you now" I didn't I found the whole thing funny. He let me keep the ticket so I've got a cousin who's in for it now.

Been an odd day, full of family, food and noise. 4 kids under 10 in the family and 2 of them love to make noise especially screaming and 1 is a major troublemaker. This is the one that is a bully and then will tell on the others if he gets the chance. I see trouble in the future but his mother won't hear of it being a problem. Oh well, it'll be different when the cops come to her door. I should be happy but for some reason I'm down. Not really depressed just down, nothing is really enjoyable tonight, not tv, not music, not video games, not interested in movies and can't even work up interest in a book. That's when I know something is wrong, if I don't want to read I need to figure out what's going on. I want to be buried with books in the coffin, just in case. :)

I'm thinking it's probably wrapped up in my family all together except Dad, it's times like this I still miss him so much and to hear others talking about being with their fathers is kinda hard. **now my friends reading this don't you dare stop talking about your dads, this is natural I'm sure** As everyone else has been saying the holidays are the hardest times for it and my dad was especially fond of Thanksgiving. Which is funny because he was a skinny guy with a house full of chubby kids. But he was a special person and made times together so much fun. He wasn't perfect and there was often drama and heartbreak but I do miss him and love him still. So George Arvel, I do hope you had your own turkey dinner somewhere with a big smile on your face.

Okay I'm waving the white flag, I give up no more tonight. I'm done with reading and rating whelps for a bit. It's been a strange day anyway with running into 2 -11 year olds on the site and they said they were 11 in their profiles 1 was darkfairy4eva & the other despret0for0deth and I read them and went down to rate them and gave them both low rates and then typed in a reminder that this site had an age requirement of 13 and as they were both under that they needed to wait, please. See I was polite but you know the crazy thing, in all the other people rating them no one else said anything except 1 person. Does no one look or do math or even just read where they say their 11? Anyway I didn't know what to do other than just be nice and tell them they didn't belong here yet. I mean the vr rules say nothing about notifying anyone and so I didn't. But I went back tonight (I rated them around9am) and here is is 11pm and they are both still there, darkfairy4eva, still admits she is 11years old. The other one must have caught on because he's changed his to 13, yea right.

Then I go back to rating the others from tonight and I run across one that says "wanna know-ask me". Okay maybe it's my mood but nothing makes me want to know less than that kind of attitude right out of the box. I admit I rated it lower than I usually do so will probably go back tomorrow when my heads in a better place and redo it. But heck not tonight, I'm as done as the turkeys.

Okay I confess to being a sandbox player, often it's fun to talk with other vr members over it's often funny or very non serious topics. But even I am so tired of all the abc & color topics there. Right now there are 5 different abc threads and 3 or 4 color threads on the 1st page alone. The abc threads are sometimes fun but not that many of them and how many different ways can you ask what is your favorite color or the one you dislike the most. It's been going on for days now. The color thing would made more sense as a poll as there's just not that many colors to choose from if you don't break them all down into there different shades, red, blue, green, yellow, black, white, orange, purple, gray, brown, gold and silver. That pretty much covers the group, everything else falls somewhere in the bunch, at least on an artist colorwheel they do. Man I don't remember what set me off tonight but I think I should shut up and go to bed. Maybe stay away from the sandbox for a while and see if some clean sand gets dumped in there.

Indeed it's been an odd one. First off for the 2nd night in a row a very young man, politely hit on me. Okay I know I put my age on my profile and my real picture at the bottom of it, so what gives?

While it's a bit flattering, I am so far beyond comfortable with 16-20 year olds asking me about personal stuff. I very carefully tell them my age again and that I'm older than most of their mothers yet some of them still want to play. Okay, Sorry but just not me, can't do it. I guess that should be won't do it. I cannot help but think of my own 25year old nephew and how I'd feel if someone was doing that with him.

Ick! too weird. lol

Then to even it out another male acquaintance talks to me about the fact that I'm an old married woman with kids. Where the hell did that come from, not me. I'm a retired career woman with no kids and that was by choice.

I was asked by a friend here on vr a question about natural healing that I couldn't answer. Couldn't even find a good answer online. The med's recommended by the Doctor carried some heavy side effects, weight gain and diabetes. Being a diabetic myself, that's some drastic shit being recommended. But when we could find no answer in the medical sites I knew of he asked if I would post the question in the General Discussion of the forums. After some thought and a careful writing of the questions, he posed I did it. Now this is my first posting there and I'm just waiting for the hammer to come down on me. I'm sure I've put it in the wrong place, worded it incorrectly or something stupid. But it's done and I'm not going to let it make me lose any sleep.

We had a great night today, My friends and I got together and ate out, then came back home and watched video's. We saw Cars and all loved it, it's just so much fun. Then we watched Mulan II as none of us had seen it before. It too was good and we got enjoy ourselves laughing and talking and it was such a wonderful stress reliever with all the cooking and family coming this week. Bless you my friends for spending time with me and lending me your good humor.

It happened again today, a nice young man sends me a bite & message about how cute I am. So me being the honest ass that I am, warn them that I'm not the pretty little animated picture that's my avatar, I'm the old bat at the bottom of my profile. At least this one was nice enough to apologize rather than fleeing in fear. Ah the old age monster is creeping about and just might get them, little boys! lol

Oh come on it's good for a laugh!!

Whenever I'm feeling really down all it takes is a visit to VR Journals to make me realize just how silly I'm being. There are so many entries dealing with real heartache and trouble that my little problems are as nothing but annoyances. It really puts the things bothering me into perspective and helps me move on. To all thosse out there with real problems, I say Bless You and Thank you for helping me escape mine, if only for a short time.

Thank the goddess I finally got this darn computer repaired. I've spent the better part of a week trying to undo all the damage done to my systems since microsoft did an update on me. Screwed all my stuff up especially all my activex controls. Want aggrivation, try using the internet without activex. So today I went into the darn thing and removed every last update and shut off the automatic updates which I had already done in one place and found it in another. I want nothing to do with explorer 7 until they get the bugs worked out of it, if even then. I'm happy with my current system. Now if I can just find that last hidden firewall that's blocking my music download, I'll have it done. I dare Gate to offer me another update for a long time. It was so bad I nearly called Dell but came to my senses and called my old pal Les. He told where to look for the last hidden file. I owe him a big salad for that.

I just got the most amazing rating comment I have ever seen. It seems to compliment my profile then speaks of needing to hate me. Just so wicked I had to save it here.



Rating: 9

Comment: actually there is some innocence to you that is quite refreshing. The bad brains of today because of the infestation of the one demon, which I know you are aware, has stolen people's ability to construct profiles like yours.



It is harmonious, constant, flowing, true, understated, and an indication of something more.



You are not good enough to be hated however, as your profile rating is too high. MartyrDom comes with it's privilege, hate by powerful unadmitted love.



Work moon being better so people can hate you for your power.



VAMPARIAH



Isn't this just wicked?

It's Vetrans day here in the US and to all those who have served, currently serve or have family who has done so, Thank you and Bless you all. There can be no true way to express the gratitude that this country and it's people owe to our service persons. But my humble attempt is the best I have so if you are deployed, be safe and come home soon.

When did honesty become a commodity to be used for trade and barter? Is the lie so much easier to utter than the truth, are not the words formed the same, spoken with the same amount of work by our bodies. Why then I cannot stop myself for needing to know has it become so hard to get an honest response, often to the most innocuous of questions.

I do not advocate being harsh or harmful in your intent but the truth is such a beautiful thing to gift another person with, a light in the darkness of lies. To be honest is to be an adult, a responsible human being able to accept responsibility for your words and opinions. I would truly like to see a world that honors truth as much as this one does lies. Think of the amazing things we might learn.

This is just dandy, I have both my neice and nephew here today sick. They now have the virus that I am still trying to get over. Since the medicine the doctor gave me shot my blood suger up to near 400 and over night if fell almost 200 points I feel like hell. Yes lower is better but those drastic swings really play havoc with my body. So I go over to my sisters to watch the kids, don't want to drag them out on a damp day. I've got my breakfast, a large ice cold diet mt dew, hell yes with caffeine.

My sister & brother in law both leave for work and I'm looking around the kitchen for something for the kids breakfast, peanut butter sandwhich or toast or cereal, something like that when my 9year old neice pops us that she feels bad and wants a real breakfast. Starts to cry over it, so here goes. I fry bacon & eggs and make biscuts and get it all cooked and all I'm feeling is nausous. Get it all done and she refuses to come eat until it's nearly cold and the baby won't eat anything but bacon all the while teasing the dog with it who is going crazy. I left staring at a plate full of food and a sink full of dirty pans and just want to cry now. See there's that sugar swing for you, crying over food, shit.

I went to the doctor yesterday for a viral infection and beyond getting treated for that I got weighed. I've been on a diet since April and have lost 75pounds as of yesterday. But I hadn't been there in a month and a half and my mother who is determined to help me out by watching and critizing every bite I put in my mouth even to the diet pop I drink has been raking me over the coals for 3 weeks claiming I have gained weight. I knew my clothes were still too big and getting bigger but I couldn't prove it to her as I won't have scales in my house. So I get weighed and then ask for the difference in yesterdays and the last weight. I had lost 11 more pounds and finally she got to eat her words and I got some sunchips to celebrate. Okay I know this means nothing to anyone but me, but hey you didn't have to read it, if anyone even does. Unless you are overweight you probably don't understand by when I started this diet I wanted to lose 135lbs (yep that big) now I'm over halfway there in 8 months and that's fine, I've not gained 1 lb back in all that time so going slow works so much better. Yes I do have a new shot that is really great, twice a day with the needle and eat very little all day long. So worth it as I was already taking insulin shots, I've been able to quit them now and just use Byetta.

Weird thing is I noticed a guy in the forums posting about your fears, his was needles. Mine used to be to, so much so I"d make my kid sister go first to prove it wouldn't hurt so much. She lied! Now I give them to myself and in places that you don't want to stick a needle. (soft, not nasty) Guess you can learn to overcome fear with a good enough reason.

Still I got to blow one more rasberry at my mom, Pbhlittt! I told you I wasn't gaining.

Thank goodness for modern medicine. My doctors office called me back early this morning and told me not to take the medicine they gave me yesterday as it could be a problem with my penicillin allergy. Luckily I hadn't taken a dose yet. They had me come back into the office and gave me a shot and some sulfa drugs. Yea, at least I know what to expect with them.

Last time I took something related to penicillin I ended up with Blood red eyes and with my nearly black pupils, I was scary. Might have pulled it off if it was Halloween time but it was in the spring. Scared away little kids I gotta tell you and my mom wouldn't meet my eyes. If we had been catholic I got a feeling she'd have been calling a priest. So yipee, I'm already on the mend, thirsty as a billygoat but better.

Ran into a friend earlier who is a deputy sheriff. He was coming back from a call and we got to talking. A 48 year old woman had went to church and was now dead from a snake bite to the face. I will never understand snake handling as proof of your faith. So either this woman didn't believe strong enough *even though she held a poisionus snake to her face* or else God wanted her to die. How about some stupid ass preacher convinced her to do the most aisine thing in the world to prove to God that she believed in him. Worst part is I bet they find some way to get out of being charged with any crime.

Well it's official, I feel like crap. No choice now I have to drag myself to the doctor. Started with just a simple, stupid cold but now it's a full blown sinus infection and lung infection. Tried to get up this morning and my head just kept spinning. Had to call in sick, can't take 3 stips without being dizzy. Why can't a grown damn woman get over a stinking cold without this always happening? I hate going to the doctor unexpected, I have to go ever 3 months no matter what for all my other stuff. I just want to feel have human again.

*okay official whine is over now*

I noticed a thread in the Sandbox about teenagers. I actually have no objection to teenagers being here, they have such different views from mine that it's really refreshing sometimes. I do dislike that some of them only want to threaten others or curse. If they were not looking for acceptance among people they wouldn't be here in the first place. I wish more of them would just try to use good grammer and a dictionary. (that's old school for spell check)

I actually would like to understand more of what they have to say and unless they do use it, I cannot.

I really feel awful, my cold has went into my lungs and it hurts really bad. Since I cannot take cough syrup with my perscription meds I'm stuck just riding it out.

So I'm just going to stop playing on the forum as I seem to have picked up a player. I don't know if I ticked her off or she just enjoys needleing me but I am so not in the mood for it today. She follows most of my posts and either critizes my opinion or says I'm wrong. Since I rarely answer anything that is not just an opinion rather than factual information to prove, I don't understand what her point is.

Well maybe just to provoke me but I have no ideal why she wants to do that. Most days I can just laugh it off but not while I'm feeling so bad so I guess I should just go back to bed. Let her continue to harrass others as I am not the only one. Whatever she gets from it, good luck to her.

Funny thing is that if she wanted a friendly debate, I'd be happy to do so but not in an antigonistic manner, that's just silly. This is a web site and everyone here as a right to their own opinions, no matter how wrong they may be. But then opinions are like assholes and everyone has one.

I've noticied a trend here, especially among new profiles to contain threats, the favorite of course says I'll kill you in some unknown or horrible manner. I cannot help but ask myself how many of them have actually considered what it takes to actually kill another person. If you are a semi-sane person that is not so easy a decision to make. Whatever your religious beliefs, society has its' own rules about killing.

So to actually be willing to kill someone even in self defense requires releasing a part of us that most don't even want to acknowledge exists. That truly dark part of our heart, mind and soul that can justify killing another human being. A place where very strong emotions live,, ones that once released do not like to be stopped back up.

I have known men who killed in war, in self-defense and unfortunately as murderers. There is one thing they all have in common, a look in their eyes, an awareness if you wish that they have crossed a line that they might have preferred not to cross. I too, have looked into that part of me where my killer lives and faced up to the fact that I could and would do it. It was in self-defense but still I was willing to kill.

The strangest thing is all these "kids" talking about killing others, how many of them have actually let their dark demon out, let it run it's course then have to put it back inside. It's something that would be much more comfortable to shut out, refuse it a home. Those emotions that churn our stomach and make our fists clinch when we're too angry.

Somehow I don't think they'd be so quick to "kill" if they actually faced that demon. I hope so else another psycho may be around.

Life is what you do while you're waiting for your dreams to come true.





This is a truly depressing thought.

Last night was wonderful, got together with my 2 best friends and we celebrated Samhain and talked and laughed and laughed and laughed. I was so good to be together. But at one point we were defining ourselves in the group dynamic I suppose you'd say and I said that Vampirewitch39 was the fun one, Elemental was the intelligent one and I'm the mean one. To me this is truly how I think of us, most of the time. But they both had different ideals and to them I'm not the mean one, not the fun one either but I am the standishoff one. (hope that's a word) See that's the part of me I consider mean, I do not let people get close to me, easily. Even though I've been on vr for 4 months only a couple of persons here know my real first name, to use it with me. While my friends are so easy to get to know and to be friendly with others. I can be polite and very helpful but true friendship is not easy for me. It's not that I've been badly burned by friends or anything like that, I've been wondering why I behave this way. Nothing makes sense, other than I'm just a cold person. Now don't you hit me up side the head again, Elemental. I got that last night when I said something self-depreciating, it's really starting to piss her off, when I do. I bet anyone else that talked to all 3 of us would agree with my assessment of our personalities too. Vampirewitch39's the fun one, Elemental is the smart one, and I'm the meanie. Hey who keeps telling them to follow the rules and don't do this and don't buy that. Me, I'm mean!